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Kunyaza (Squirting) Workshop by Habeeb Akande

8/24/2019

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Kunyaza workshop hosted by Watch Africa at Chapter in Cardiff. Copyright: Adam Lewis
On 17 August, I was invited by Watch Africa to give a sex workshop exploring the sexual practice of kunyaza (squirting technique), African/Muslim erotology and how intimacy plays an important part in traditional African societies. 

The workshop was delivered prior to the film screening of Sacred Water at Chapter Arts Centre in Cardiff, Wales. People of various ethnicities and genders attended the event which was supported by Film Hub Wales and BFI Film Audience Network.


The purpose of the workshop was to raise awareness of the kunyaza tradition, and highlight the valuable contributions of African sex educators to female pleasure and gushing orgasms. 
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Sex educator and author Habeeb Akande at Kunyaza workshop. Copyright: Adam Lewis
Female Pleasure in African Cultures 
From the Kama Sutra of Ancient India, to the Kayan Mata ancient tradition in Nigeria, to the erotology tradition in the Arab/Muslim world, many cultures outside of the western world celebrated female pleasure and female autonomy.

According to reports, 80% of Rwandan women experience orgasm with their male partners, and female ejaculation is sacred in some east African cultures. Women in Rwanda and Uganda are encouraged to seek sexual gratification with their husbands and many learn about sexual pleasure from a young age. Sex and female pleasure became taboo in Africa after Christian missionaries imposed their prudish views on African peoples during colonisation. 

The notion that female ejaculation is a myth or the clitoral orgasm is inferior came from the western world. Sex research which shows that only 25% - 30% of women regularly orgasm from intercourse are based on the findings of westerners. The idea that the West 'liberated' the rest of the world about female sexuality with the 'sexual liberation movement' of the 1960s is inaccurate. Many pre-modern cultures outside of the western world acknowledged women's right to sexual pleasure. 


"Did you know that in the Western world, it wasn’t until 1998 that the clitoris was discovered in it’s full structure? In parts of Africa, people have known the clitoris as a source of joy and key to harmonious relationships for centuries. We have all heard about FGM, but let’s take this opportunity to hear about Kunyaza and celebrate a more positive side of African sexual practices." - Watch Africa

In some traditional African cultures, the female orgasm was honoured and women are taught various sexual practices to enhance sexual pleasure for their husbands and themselves. In Rwanda, girls and women are taught about these traditional practices by female sex educators, known as ssengas.


Sex education in east Africa is taught by both male and female sex educators. Male sex educators known as Kojjas (uncles) give sexual instructions to young men. Whilst female sex educators known as ssengas (aunties) give sexual instructions to young women. In Rwanda, men are taught about the female anatomy and how to make a woman experience gushing orgasms. 

​In east Africa, female ejaculation is an expected state of affairs when making love. 
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A Taste of Honey and Kunyaza books by Habeeb Akande at Kunyaza workshop. Copyright: Habeeb Akande
What is Kunyaza?
​
Kunyaza is a sexual practice to make a woman squirt with a male partner. Originally from Rwanda, kunyaza has been practised for hundreds of years by heterosexual couples in east-central Africa. 

The term kunyaza is derived from the word kunyara, meaning ‘to urinate’ but also signifying female ejaculation achieved by the sexual practice. According to research, 80% of women in Rwanda experience ejaculation due to the kunyaza practice.


In Uganda, kunyaza is referred to as Kachabali or “Western Jazz” (due to its prevalence in western regions). The sexual technique is also practised in Kenya, Tanzania and Zimbabwe where it is known as Kachabali, Katerero and Kutunda respectively.

The kunyaza practice was developed as a method of foreplay to increase sexual arousal and as a means to achieve female orgasm. According to South African sex educator, Lerato Charlotte Letsoso, "Kunyaza is a recommended heterosexual practice for women to achieve sexual pleasure without penetration." Letsoso adds, "Kunyaza is perhaps the easiest and sure/effective technique to achieve female ejaculation but it requires commitment and time especially from the man."  

Sex educators hope that kunyaza would keep women sexually satisfied so that they would remain faithful to their husbands and not look outside of marriage for sexual gratification. In traditional African cultures, sexual satisfaction is just as important as love and financial stability for a happy marriage.
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Sex educator Habeeb Akande with the Wondrous Vulva Puppet. Copyright: Adam Lewis
How to Make A Woman Squirt with Kunyaza?
During kunyaza, the man rhythmically and firmly taps the clitoral glans, labia minora and vaginal opening with his erect penis. 


As the woman becomes more aroused and the vulva starts to swell, the man should take hold of his erect penis. Then he should proceed to tap and rub the penis head from the top to the bottom of the vulva, then left to right, and then in a zigzagging or circular motion – always returning to tap the clitoral glans after each motion. The man should continue stimulation until the woman is close to orgasm. Then, he should stimulate the area on and around the clitoris using long, firm strokes to trigger a gushing orgasm.

Another form of kunyaza involves non-penetrative and penetrative stimulation. In this case, the man stimulates the clitoris and labia of the woman by tapping and also rubbing with his penis head and then alternating shallow thrusts (gucuga) with deep thrusts (gucumita) pushing at the cervix while maintaining circular and/or zigzag movements between vagina walls in a "screwing" fashion during penetration. The variation of shallow and deep thrusts with the stimulation of the vulva with the penis should increase pleasure until the woman is ready to gush with delight. 
In addition, the man could use his fingers in the 'come hither' motion to stimulate the woman's G-spot to intensify pleasure. The combination of G-Spot and clitoral stimulation is likely to result in a gushing orgasm.

Kunyaza can be performed in a number of sex positions. The woman sitting on the man's lap, or the woman sprawled on her back with the man kneeling between her legs is said to be the most effective kunyaza positions to induce a wet orgasm. For kunyaza, technique is more important than penis size. To truly pleasure a woman with kunyaza penetration, stroke game matters!

To master kunyaza, the man must be patient, self-disciplined and attentive to his lady's needs. The woman should be relaxed and comfortable to enjoy the sensation kunyaza brings. Women are encouraged to not hold back when she feels the urge to expel fluid from her loins. Couples are also encouraged to use lubricants during kunyaza to enhance pleasure.    
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Audience members with the Wondrous Vulva Puppet at Kunyaza workshop. Copyright: Adam Lewis
Workshop Discussion Points
The topics discussed during the workshop were as follows;
  • The kunyaza tradition in Africa prioritises female pleasure
  • Differences between erotology and sexology
  • Christian missionaries demonised female pleasure and African practices 
  • Islam and Hinduism have a positive attitude towards female pleasure
  • Western sex research/education is culturally biased
  • Importance of respecting indigenous African cultures and knowledge 
  • ​African controlling their own narrative about sex and sexuality 
  • Why the WHO classified labia pulling as female genital modification
  • Why labiaplasty is not considered FGM in the West
  • Locating the G-Spot and the K-Spot with the Wondrous Vulva Puppet
  • Understand the clitoris with a 3-D clitoris model 
  • Female ejaculation and squirting studies
  • Kunyaza is taught worldwide by sex educators in America and Brazil.
  • African sexual practices (waistbeads, vaginal steaming, and aphrodisiacs)
  • Loving your body makes you a better lover
  • Women do not need orgasms to experience good sex. ,
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Sex educator Habeeb Akande at Kunyaza (squirting) workshop hosted by Watch Africa. Copyright: Adam Lewis
Audience Reaction
Below are some comments and reactions from audience members of the Kunyaza workshop;
  • "Excellent discussion celebrating Rwandan culture."
  • "Illuminating workshop with Habeeb Akande...We've learned loads"
  • "A refreshing look at Rwandan culture that allows women to take control of their pleasure."
  • "Fantastic to hear from author Habeeb Akande and Watch Africa about the practice of kunyaza and the female orgasm."
  • "Women from the Buganda tribe in Uganda enjoy satisfying their husbands"
  • "We, African women, do not need Westerners to validate our culture" 
  • "I had no idea that 8th August is International Female Orgasm Day!"
  • "We learn kunyaza from our elders in Africa."
  • "FGM is not practised in every African country"
  • "I would have brought my sons to this workshop! It's important."
  • "Men need to know about kunyaza and satisfying women too."
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Audience members with Habeeb Akande at Kunyaza workshop hosted by Watch Africa at Chapter in Cardiff. Copyright: Habeeb Akande
Kunyaza Forever!
Whilst western psychologists in the 19th and 20th centuries considered clitoral orgasms as infantile and immature, African sex educators recognised the importance of clitoral stimulation to induce an orgasm hundreds of years before the West. 

Rwanda's kunyaza tradition is an example of how much Westerners can learn from indigenous African cultures about women's pleasure and the elusive female orgasm!


To learn more about traditional Rwandan culture and the kunyaza practice , you can read my book Kunyaza: The Secret to Female Pleasure, watch the documentary film Sacred Water, or attend a kunyaza workshop! 

Remember #KunyazaForever! #StrokeGameMatters! 


Habeeb Akande, sex educator and author of Kunyaza: The Secret to Female Pleasure. 
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Happy International Female Orgasm Day! (8 August) - The Benefits of Sex For Women

8/7/2019

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8 August is Female Orgasm Day or International Female Orgasm Day, an unofficial holiday started in Brazil, to encourage men to satisfy their wives. 

The day is now celebrated around the world to raise awareness about women's right to sexual pleasure. 

The law was passed in Espertina, Brazil by councilman Arimateio Dantas who coined the "holiday" International Female Orgasm Day on August 8.

The day wad dedicated to raising awareness of female sexuality because women have often been denied the right to explore their bodies, openly discuss sex, and experience pleasure - something Latino cultures have struggled with for centuries.

Happy International Female Orgasm Day!

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Sex and intimacy coach Zoe Kors explains why sex is important for women.

Kors says there is scientific evidence of the physiological benefits of sex for women. Engaging in sex regularly has the following effects:
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  1. Increases DHEA—Hormone that boosts immune system. Produces healthier skin, and decreases depression.
  2. Increases Oxytocin—Hormone that causes the release of endorphins, a natural opiate that relieves pain.
  3. Reduces Cortisol—Sex reduces stress, and thereby reduces cortisol levels which means more balanced blood sugar, blood pressure, and lower acidity in the abdomen.
  4. Increases Immunoglobulin A—Antibody which boosts immunity. Women who have sex twice a week have 30% higher level of immunoglobulin A.
  5. Some studies even show evidence that the increased blood flow and muscular contractions that occurs with regular penetration and orgasm promotes the structural health of a woman’s pelvic floor.
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10 Ways to Last Longer In Bed - Happy International Female Orgasm Day

8/7/2019

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From breathing exercises to muscle training, these simple tips help prolong the pleasure of penetration.
 
Since time immemorial, men have been concerned with bedroom performance. How to last longer and satisfy their female partner has worried men for centuries. “According to the Kamasutra one of the greatest obstacles to ultimate pleasure is the mistiming of the orgasm” says Seema Anand, author The Arts of Seduction. Men generally attain orgasm far more quickly than women do.
 
A study found 95% of heterosexual men said they “usually or always orgasm” during sexual intercourse, in comparison to 65% of heterosexual women. This phenomenon is known as the ‘orgasm gap.’ How long it takes for both men and women to orgasm, may be a crucial factor for this gap.
 
1 in 3 men suffer from premature ejaculation – orgasming within two minutes of intercourse. Many more men suffer from “rapid ejaculation” – orgasming quicker than it takes them of their partner to feel satisfied.
 
As it’s International Female Orgasm Day (8 August) – a day dedicated to female pleasure, this article outlines ten practical tips for men to improve their sexual endurance with their female partner. 
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1. The Edging Technique
Edging is a form of orgasm control where you decrease stimulation just before reaching the ‘point of no return.’ Edging is one of the most effective ways to train yourself to last longer during intercourse. It is also a common technique for avoiding premature ejaculation.
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Practising this technique can help you teach your mind and body to better control your orgasm response and prolong intercourse.

The technique involves bringing yourself right to the edge of orgasm before stopping all stimulation until you have your excitement under control.

2. The Squeeze Technique
When you are nearing climax, withdraw your penis and squeeze below the head of your penis, until the urge to come passes.

 
Apply firm pressure with your thumb and forefinger when squeezing the penis head. As the highly aroused sensation subsides, your body will return to a less aroused state.
 
The squeeze technique can help you last longer in bed by pushing blood out of the penis and momentarily decreasing sexual tension, which represses the ejaculatory response, says sex therapist and author of She Comes First, Ian Kerner.
 
3. Slow Thrusting
Good sex is a marathon, not a sprint. Instead of pounding like a jackhammer, take your time to penetrate slowly.
 
Going slowly is more sensuous, intimate, and pleasurable. Slow strokes will increase pleasure and prolong lovemaking.
 
Changing the tempo and angle of pelvic thrusting helps delay ejaculation and extend the session!
 
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4. Pursue Pleasure Not Porn Performance
“Porn is performance,” sex educator The Village Auntie says. Great sex is about ultimately about mutual pleasure, not personal performance.

Instead of trying to f*ck like a porn star, make love like an accomplished lover.

Many women prefer long foreplay over quick thrusting. Communicate with your lady to find out what she wants and act accordingly. Remember her pleasure is priority.

5. Change Positions
Experimenting with different positions and sensations helps some men last longer in bed, according to sex therapist Dr. Jane Greer. “The more awkward and unfamiliar, the better,” she says.
 
Licensed sex psychotherapist Vanesa Martin recommends experimenting with “tiring or tricky” positions to delay ejaculation. You may find yourself less likely to come if your mind is focused on perfecting the new lovemaking position.

6. Think Non-Sexual Thoughts
The Kamasutra advises that during lovemaking the man should constantly think of rivers, woods, caves, mountains or even a favourite arc!

Thinking non-sexual thoughts is a useful trick to delay ejaculation and make you proceed more slowly and gently.

7. Kegel Exercises
Kegel exercises strengthen the pubococcygeus (PC) muscle of the pelvic floor, which can help control and delay ejaculation, studies have found.
 
The easiest way for you to find the PC muscle is to stop urinating mid-stream and tense. You’re using the PC muscle to do that!
 
Now you have located the PC muscle, you have to train and strengthen it. To do this, contract your PC muscles and hold the contraction for three to five seconds, and then release for three seconds.
 
The exercise can be done whilst sitting, standing or walking. Practise in sets of ten reps per day to strengthen the PC muscle.
 
During intercourse, contracting your PC muscle when close to the point of no return will prevent ejaculation.​
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8. Take Breaks During Sex
Taking breaks during your lovemaking session is a simple and effective way to slow down, savour the moment, and increase mutual pleasure.

When things feel as though they are reaching a conclusion prematurely, stop and do something that buys time.

9. The Kunyaza Technique
The kunyaza technique involves the tapping stimulation of the clitoris and labia minora with the penis head to increase mutual pleasure.
 
During penetrative intercourse, withdraw your penis as you approach climax and perform kunyaza. Whilst performing kunyaza, massage her clitoral hood with your penis to maintain stimulation until the sensation to climax passes.
 
Once the sensation has passed, proceed to penetrate again. Kunyaza can help improve your ability to delay ejaculation.

10. Mindfulness and Breathing Exercises
Practising mindfulness and breathing exercises can help delay ejaculation. Some men find focused breathing can almost mute the sensation on their penis.

During sex, taking a deep breath in for eight to ten seconds via pursed lips and a deep breath out for six to eight seconds will release the tension and help delay the ejaculatory reflex.
 
The increased oxygen flow can increases the erection’s firmness and keen you in control of your body.
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Women Over 36 Have Better Orgasms, Study Finds

8/3/2019

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Sex and orgasms get better as women age due to confidence and hormones. 
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Women over 36 have the most fulfilling sex lives according to a survey by contraception app Natural Cycles.
 
The survey of 2,618 women assessed levels of:
  • sexual satisfaction (intercourse frequency and partner satisfaction),
  • attraction (self-perception and partner’s perception), and
  • orgasm (frequency and enjoyment).
 
The women were divided into three age groups:
  • younger (23 and below),
  • middle (24 to 35), and
  • older (36 and over).
 
Which Age Do Women Have Better Orgasms?
Women aged 36 and over had the highest number of orgasms and the most enjoyable sex. 58% of the older group of women said they also had better quality orgasms. Almost 10% more than younger women.
 
“The results of the survey send out a really positive message about something us women have known and expected for some time,” said Amanda Bonnier, brand manager at Natural Cycles which conducted the survey, “as you get older and get to know your body better, you can have a more enjoyable sex life and feel confident about yourself.” Bonnier told The Huffington Post.
 
"Sex in your mid-30s and particularly after 40 is, in most cases, purely for pleasure," Cheryl Sloane, owner of sexual wellness retailer, G-Boutique told Bustle. "If a woman has had a healthy and active sex life, she knows what feels good and has the confidence to speak openly about her pleasure. With some adjustments this can be the beginning of decades of love and connection that rival those early years." 
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Laying in bed together can help couples relax, Source: Best Life Online
Why Does Sex Get Better With Age?
Confidence is key to having great sex. As women age, their sexual confidence tends to increase, which leads to a more fulfilling sex life. Women over 30 tend to be more comfortable with their bodies and have a better understanding of what they desire.
 
According to the survey, women aged 36 and over were the most confident in their skin with 80% stating they were happy with their appearance, saying they felt “sexy and attractive.” In comparison, 70% of women aged 23 and below were confidence about their appearance, and 40% of women aged 24 to 35 said they were happy with their appearance.
 
"I have found that many women are more comfortable in their own skin and bodies once they reach their 40s," says Tiffany Yelverton, sex educator, coach, and founder of sexual wellness company, Entice Me. "I find many women get to 40 and no longer care as much what others think, which releases anxiety and creates more confidence. At this time in life, typically the children are older and the risk of them crawling into bed is less so sex, masturbation, and self-care increases."
 
Experience also plays a part, which is linked to increased confidence levels. "Women in their 40s have had more experiences and know their own desires and needs and are mature enough to communicate them," she says. "Confidence is sexy and others pick up on that, which I know makes me feel more sexual."
 
Many women in their 40s experience a sense of self-liberation, increased libido and body confidence. As women age, they tend to enjoy sex and intimacy on their own terms, where they prioritise their pleasure.
 
"Women start having the best sex of their lives as soon as they realize who they are and how they fit in the world," said sexual wellness couple Dr. Cristina Bosch and Dr. John Robinson of The Sex Docs. "Sex is about connecting with yourself through the co-creative act of intercourse. But this starts with knowing yourself first. If you don’t know yourself, then you can’t really express to your partner your needs, wants, desires, and fantasies."

According to Bosch and Robinson, hormone levels can increase as women approach their 40s which is why many women experience a heightened sex drive in their 40s.
 
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Getty Images/Design: Ashley Britton/SheKnows
Why Women’s Sex Drive Increases in Their 40s?
“Women in their late 30s or early 40s need to be in the right state of mind to engage in sexual intercourse,” says Dr. Sonja Bethune, a licensed clinical psychologist to SheKnows. “Foreplay becomes essential at this stage in a woman’s life. A woman in her late 20s or early 30s may have no problem at all getting aroused, since this is typically when a woman’s sex drive increases based on her lifespan.”

Dr. Jane L. Frederick suggests that social change may be the reason behind why women experience an increased libido in their 40s. “As a woman ages, she may become more comfortable with sexuality, or in some cases if she has not conceived a child, there may be an increased desire to procreate, thus creating an increase in her sex drive,” Frederick says.
 
Sex blogger and mother of three, Katie Smith noticed her “libido was suddenly awake again” after her 41st birthday. Despite previously enjoy sex and intimacy, she noticed her sex drive mellowed in her  early to mid-30s.
 
Explaining why she feels more sexual in her 40s, Smith says, “Years of experience and feeling comfortable in our skin as well as our partners having a vasectomy or some other more freeing form of birth control is going to make us in the mood for more intimacy too. We are able to be more spontaneous, and that can be very exciting. We also find ourselves with a little more time and freedom — especially if our kids aren’t crawling into bed with us every night or needing so much from us during the day.” 

Some women experience a “sexual peak” in their 40s. Dr. Katharine O’Connell White, an assistant professor of obstetrics and gynecology, says the "sexual peak" women experience in their 40s is mostly due to children being older and more independent, “so you have more space to be you.”

Women in their 40s also have to deal with the effects of aging, and the negatively affect it may have on their sex drive. “Accept the signs of aging on your body: stretch marks, C-section scars,”
White says. “Fighting aging is not conducive to feeling sexually free.”
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Monkey Business Images/Shutterstock
Why Sexual Pleasure Is More Important Than Sexual Activity
A sexual wellness survey of 3,000 people by LoveHoney found that 63% of respondents said sex plays an important role in overall happiness. Most of the women felt that monogamy was key to a happier sex life, with 81% saying they can have a great long-lasting sex life with the same person. 

A study of sexually active older women found that sexual satisfaction in women increases with age and those not engaging in sex are satisfied with their sex lives. A majority of the women reported frequent arousal and achieved orgasm (67.1%) most of the time or always, despite some having low sexual desire. The median age of the study was 67 years.

Regardless of partner status or sexual activity, 61% of women in the study were satisfied with their overall sex life. "In this study, sexual activity was not always necessary for sexual satisfaction. Those who were not sexually active may have achieved sexual satisfaction through touching, caressing, or other intimacies developed over the course of a long relationship," said the study's first author Susan Trompeter.

"Emotional and physical closeness to the partner may be more important than experiencing orgasm. A more positive approach to female sexual health focusing on sexual satisfaction may be more beneficial to women than a focus limited to female sexual activity or dysfunction," Trompeter concludes.
 
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31 July is National Orgasm Day!  5  Facts To Celebrate The Big O!

7/31/2019

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National Orgasm Day is celebrated every year on 31 July in the UK, America and Australia. To celebrate this blessed day, we have outlined five stimulating facts about the big O! 
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Happy National Orgasm Day!

Today may mark National Orgasm Day, but a recent survey claims the majority of women are still faking it in the bedroom! According to adult company Anne Summers, 58% of women have faked an orgasm. In comparison only 10% of men have faked an orgasm. 

People should not have to pretend in the bedroom, especially today of all days! It's a day to learn, celebrate and enjoy orgasms. 

As it's the wonderful day of pleasure, here are five stimulating facts about the big O! It's coming...
1. Orgasms Are Good For Your Wellbeing
Orgasms aren’t only pleasurable, they're very good for your health and wellbeing. They can relieve stress, strengthen the immune system, and improve the health of the heart.

Orgasms are great for your mental and physical wellbeing in a range of ways, especially in the context of a loving relationship. 


Sexual pleasure improves your mood by helping to release tension and lowering blood pressure. This happens because, during orgasm the brain releases oxytocin ('the cuddle hormone') which makes you feel warm and relaxed. The more relaxed you are, the less tension in your body and the better you will sleep.

The big O
can also provide spiritual benefits, according to the Kamasutra and A Taste of Honey.

2. Only 15% of Irish Women Orgasm During Sex 
A survey by Durex in Ireland revealed that 15% of women climax every time they have sex. 

A US study of 52,000 adults found that 95% of heterosexual men report usually or always orgasming during sex, compared to just 64% of heterosexual women. The difference is known as the 'orgasm gap.'

3. Nigeria is the Most Sexually Satisfied Country 
According to a survey of 26,000 participants across 26 countries, Nigeria is the most sexually satisfied country (67%) in the world, followed by Mexico (63%).

The survey measured sexual satisfaction by the participants' responses. Those who reported to be "
very or extremely satisfied with their sexual life," were considered the most satisfied.

Participants in the US (48%), the UK (40%), and France (25%) reported significantly lower sexual satisfaction levels than Nigeria and Mexico. 
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4. 35% of Norwegians Orgasm At Least Once Per Day 
A global survey by sex toy firm LELO found that people in Norway 'come' first!

​The survey revealed that 35% of respondents claimed to orgasm at least once every day. In contrast 11% of Britons claimed to orgasm at least once every day. 

5. Women Over 36 Enjoy Orgasm The Most 
According to a recent study, women over 36 years enjoy the most enjoyable orgasms and best sex of their lives. 

2,6000 women were surveyed by the Natural Cycles in which they were divided into three groups; younger (below 23), middle (23-36) and older (36 and over). The survey found that orgasms, attractiveness and most enjoyable sex improved in the older group. Much of this came down to confidence. 

58% of women in the older age group reported having the most enjoyable orgasms and the greatest number of orgasms, scoring 10% more than the younger age group, and 5% more than the middle age group.
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How To Be Better in Bed: Kunyaza, The Sexual Technique For Increasing Female Pleasure

7/28/2019

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Having better sexual relations as a couple has two keys: creativity in the bedroom and sexual empathy. The African Kunyaza technique combines both philosophies and helps you and your partner, have a healthier and more pleasant sexual life.
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Every human being wonders how to be better in bed. A few days ago we talked about why couples lose interest in sex. One of the reasons that sexologists gave us was the lack of originality and intercourse too focused on penetration.

These problems find their roots in male sex myths. It has always been thought that man should have a dominant disposition and woman, a submissive
disposition. The result of this cliché has caused the forgetting of enjoyment for them in the sex ring (aka your bed). In most cases, this results in female frustration and a bad sex life for both.

Sexual empathy is the solution to make the couple happier in bed. The answer is not found in the best sex apps - which in a way, too. The solution to your question of 'how can I be better in bed' is the search for pleasure for both.

Although socially man is inhibited from emotional pleasure, the inherited physical pleasure model works for them. But what about the woman? How to intensify female orgasm and help make their sex - and consequently, their sex - better?

Experimentation and Kunyaza may be your answer to improve your intercourse. 

What is the Kunyaza?
Kunyaza is a traditional sexual practice developed in Rwanda, East-Central Africa. The word 'kunyaza' means 'to urinate' or 'to trigger female ejaculation' in rundi.

This ancient technique consists in stimulating the nerve endings of the vulva with the glans penis, with the fingers. Its greatest peculiarity is the amount of fluid expelled by women during this practice (squirting), in addition to the intensification of the female orgasm.
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What is the origin of Kunyaza?
According to the Sacred Water documentary by Belgian director Olivier Jourdain, the origin of Kunyaza is legendary.

According to legend, during the Third Dynasty, a king went on a military excursion. The queen, who felt lonely, sought a sexual partner among the royal guard.

Nervous about the reprisals of the king, the guard was unable to penetrate her. Instead, he began rubbing his penis, up and down, against the queen's genitals.

The African sexologist and writer Nsekuye Bizimana, in his book 'Kunyaza', confirms that this practice has a long tradition. According to interviews collected for the work, many people over 70 years of age stated that their grandparents practiced it and that they were responsible for transmitting the story to the following generations.

In Rwanda, female orgasm is a matter of honour and wisdom for men. The women in the documentary explain that it is a true honour for them too. "You feel like a real woman. It's like a dam is broken," says one of the African women interviewed.

Due to the amount of vaginal fluid expelled, according to the documentary "almost a liter", in Rwanda, newly-wed couples receive a banana fiber mat to consummate their marriage. This object serves to protect the couple's mattresses, since it is understood that if the relationship is healthy and the marriage is happy, both will have "many and very wet nights of female orgasms."
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Colloquially, due to the noise produced by this practice, Rwandans use the expression "allow the dog to drink water" to refer to having sex.
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How to practice Kuyanza?
Let's do it. The secret of this practice is in the rhythmic action of the male member around the clitoris, the vulva and the vagina. It is not to press hard or act with intensity. It is a caress that is performed, as we said before, with the glans, fingers or sex toys.

In his book, Bizimana explains that this method is perfect for the preliminaries or as an exclusive practice, since both can reach orgasm. The Kuyanza technique consists of a non-penetrative phase and a progressive penetration phase that are explained as follows:

​1. External stimulation
First, it is the stimulation of the labia majora, minora and clitoris with the glans penis. The man should hold his limb with the thumb and index fingers (preferably) and gently caress these areas.

We reiterate, softly. It must be a delicate swing until she begins to demand greater intensity in the movements.

You can try from top to bottom and then alternate movements in circles or zig zag. We suggest that you communicate and observe what reaction your partner has during the movements, to find out how you like it best.
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2. Internal stimulation
After vaginal lubrication produced during these preliminaries, the penetration of the vagina begins normally, but without reaching the complete introduction of the limb. The idea is to stimulate the outermost part of the woman's opening without completing the penetration. Sometimes only with the tip.

If the practice is done correctly, the climax will be optimal for both of you and both of you can successfully complete the intercourse.

What is the best posture to practice kuyanza?
According to experts, anyone who facilitates the practice comfortably. Bizimana recommends that you lie on your back while he stands on or near her legs, both facing each other.

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Lotus flower, missionary or puppy poses are also some variation positions. You can use your imagination for the most pleasurable position.

How to fully enjoy the Kuyanza?
Lubrication is essential in this practice to avoid annoying friction, either by gels or saliva. According to the author of the play 'Kuyanza', the removal of pubic hair in the couple could also facilitate this practice.

Original article by
Ana Arjona for GQ Spain with some amendments.
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Male Sexual Problems and Treatments

7/27/2019

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Most men have sexual insecurities or will encounter a sexual dysfunction at some stage in their lives. 

For men, a sexual dysfunction is any physical or psychological problem that prevents a man from achieving sexual satisfaction.

Male sexual dysfunction is a common sexual health problem affecting men of all ages.


The most common male sexual dysfunctions are;
  • premature ejaculation
  • erectile dysfunction
  • low libido
 
Retrograde ejaculation, delayed ejaculation and micropenis are less common male sexual dysfunctions.  

This article provides an overview of these sexual problems, its causes, and some treatments. 
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Premature Ejaculation (PE)
Premature ejaculation (PE) occurs when a man ejaculates too quickly and without control during sexual activity (foreplay) or sexual intercourse. In other words, ejaculation occurs before a man wants it to happen.

Also known as early ejaculation, PE is the most common male sexual problem, affecting up to 30% of men. 

Classified as a sexual disorder, early ejaculation is a poorly understood condition "assigned to men who ejaculate prematurely during vaginal intercourse." Some define "premature" as within 1 minute, others state within 2 minutes. It has been reported that on average men ejaculate within 3 to 5 minutes of vaginal penetration.

Others define PE if sexual intercourse is "unsatisfying to one partner," or "any ejaculation that occurs before the man wishes." Defining PE is difficult as couples will have a range of preferences as to what constitutes an adequate time for intercourse.

Many men experience great distress because of this condition. For some men, pornography has created unrealistic expectations and performance anxiety on what is considered an adequate time for intercourse.   

PE can be classified into two forms:
  • Lifelong (primary) - Lifelong PE occurs every or most of the time since becoming sexually active.
  • Acquired (secondary) - Acquired PE develops after an sexually active man has not previously experienced ejaculatory problems.

Physical causes of PE include;
  • abnormal hormone levels 
  • Abnormal levels of brain chemicals called neurotransmitters
  • Inflammation and infection of the prostate or urethra
  • Inherited traits

Psychological causes of PE include;
  • performance anxiety 
  • stress
  • poor body image
  • sexual abuse
  • guilt
  • relationship worries 
  • depression
 
Some sexual and behavioural techniques to delay ejaculation and last longer in the bedroom, includes; 
  • the start and stop technique 
  • the squeeze technique
  • the kunyaza technique
  • kegel exercises to strengthen pelvic floor muscles
  • breathing control exercises
 
Other PE treatments include; 
  • delay ejaculation sprays
  • herbal concoctions 
  • wearing a thicker condom to decrease sensation
  • masturbation to control ejaculation before intercourse  
  • counselling  
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​Erectile Dysfunction (ED)
Erectile dysfunction, also known as impotence, is the male inability to achieve or sustain an erection for intercourse or other sexual activities.
 
Most men have or will experience some from of erectile dysfunction (ED) at some time in their life, in which the causes can be physical or psychological.
 
Physical causes of ED include;
  • heart disease
  • high cholesterol
  • obesity
  • nerve disorders
  • high blood pressure
  • lack of exercise
  • alcohol and drug use
  • smoking
  • excessive watching of pornography
 
Psychological causes of ED include;
  • stress
  • relationship issues
  • depression
  • performance anxiety
 
Treatments for erectile dysfunction include;
  • medicine to lower blood pressure,
  • hormone replacement,
  • making healthy lifestyle changes (not drinking alcohol, losing weight, quitting smoking),
  • reduce stress and anxiety,
  • counselling,
  • surgery, and
  • certain medication (Stendra, Viagra, Cialis, and Levitra)
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Low Libido
Low libido, also known as sex drive, is when a person has a reduced interest in sexual desire or sexual activity. In males, the condition is often linked with low levels of testosterone. The male hormone testosterone maintains sex drive, sperm production, muscle , hair and bone. Low testosterone can affect the male body and mood.
 
Loss of sex drive is common in men and women. It can be caused by a number of factors including stress, anxiety, tiredness, low testosterone levels, diabetes, high blood pressure, and certain medications like antidepressants, and relationship problems.
 
Some relationship problems which can result in low libido are;
  • long-term relationship and overfamiliarity with partner
  • loss of sexual attraction
  • unresolved conflict and frequent arguments
  • lack of trust
 
Treatments for low libido include
  • better communication with partner
  • reduce watching pornography and sexually explicit material
  • herbal concoctions and aphrodisiacs 
  • healthier lifestyle
  • medication
  • testosterone replacement therapy  
  • counselling ​​​
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Retrograde Ejaculation
Retrograde ejaculation is a rare type of ejaculation problem in men. It happens when semen travels backwards into the bladder instead of through the urethra (the tube that urine passes through) during ejaculation. Usually when a man ejaculates, semen flows out of the urethra.
 
Retrograde ejaculation is caused by damage to the nerves or muscles that surround the neck of the bladder.
 
Delayed Ejaculation
Delayed ejaculation, also known as inhibited ejaculation, is a male orgasmic disorder. Delayed ejaculation occurs when a man experiences a significant delay before ejaculation, or when a man is unable to ejaculate.
 
Delayed ejaculation can be caused by physical or psychological factors.
 
Common physical causes include;
  • diabetes
  • spinal cord injuries
  • surgery to the bladder or prostate gland
  • old age
 
Common psychological causes include;
  • sexual trauma
  • relationship problems
  • stress
  • depression

Micropenis 
Micropenis is an abnormally small penis that is often diagnosed in infancy of very early childhood. The condition is caused by hormonal or genetic abnormalities. It is an extremely rare condition, affecting 0.6% of men worldwide.

The primary symptom of micropenis is a penis that measures less than 0.75 inches in length at infancy. The mean (average) stretched penile length for a newborn is 1.4 inches. Among adult males, a micropenis is defined as a penis less than 3.6 inches in length.

A medical doctor (endocrinologists, urologists, and surgeons)  should be consulted in treatments for a micropenis. Treatment that begins earlier in life can lead to better results. Treating micropenis can be helpful in boosting self-confidence later in life and improving the chances of satisfying sexual activity.
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Male Sexual Dysfunction Causes
Male sexual dysfunction is caused by physical or psychological factors.
 
Physical causes include;
  • low testosterone levels
  • prescription drugs
  • smoking
  • alcohol and drug use
  • stroke or nerve damage
 
Psychological causes include;
  • sexual performance anxiety
  • marital or relationship issues
  • depression
  • sexual trauma
  • stress
  • exhaustion and tiredness
  • low confidence
  • history of sexual repression ​  
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Treatments For Male Sexual Dysfunction 
Some effective treatments for different forms of sexual dysfunction in men include;
  • healthy lifestyle including;
    • no alcohol
    • healthy eating
    • regular exercise  
    • no smoking
  • losing weight
  • reduce stress and anxiety
  • sexual exercises and techniques
    • kegel exercise
    • breathing exercises
    • start and stop technique
    • squeeze technique
    • tantric sex techniques
    • kunyaza technique
  • herbal and traditional medicine 
  • counselling
 
Read Kunyaza to find out more about how to delay ejaculation and last longer in the bedroom.
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Sacred Water Film Screening and Kunyaza Discussion with Author Habeeb Akande in Cardiff, Wales

7/26/2019

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Let's Talk About Sex!

Watch-Africa is about sharing African culture through film screenings, workshops and conversations. Culture is Food. Culture is Language. Culture is Music and Dance. Culture is Relationships. Culture is.....Sex! So let's talk about it.

Join us for a discussion round with Habeeb Akande before the screening of Sacred Water, a film about the traditional practice of Kunyaza (female pleasure) in Rwanda.

Get ready to learn more about erotology in Muslim and African cultures and how heritage and intimacy play an important part in African societies.


Did you know that in the Western world, it wasn’t until 1998 that the clitoris was discovered in it’s full structure? In parts of Africa, people have known the clitoris as a source of joy and key to harmonious relationships for centuries. We have all heard about FGM, but let's take this opportunity to hear about Kunyaza and celebrate a more positive side of African sexual practices.

Discover the secret of Kunyaza, explore culture, Watch Africa!
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Guided by Vestine, an extravagant star of radio nights, the Sacred Water film discovers Rwandan sexuality in search of the water that gushes out the female body and reveals with humour and spontaneity the mystery of female ejaculation. 
​

Sacred Water confronts the western viewer with its own intimacy and immerses you into a modern Rwanda rediscovering its heritage in the most secret way: female pleasure.

Habeeb Akande is a writer and historian of Nigerian descent. He is the author of six published books on race, erotic Muslim literature, and Afro-Brazilian history, including Kunyaza: The Secret to Female Pleasure.

Strictly 18+ spaces limited

Hosted by Watch Africa

Date: Saturday 17 August 2019. Time: 6pm 

Venue: Chapter Arts Center, Market Road, Canton, Cardiff, Wales, CF5 1QE

Tickets available here 
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Questions About Female Ejaculation & Squirting

7/19/2019

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Credit: Omar Bustamante
1. What is Female Ejaculation?
Female ejaculation is the expulsion of fluid from a woman's urethral opening during sexual arousal or orgasm.


The ejaculatory fluid is different from the cervical fluid that lubricates your vagina when you’re turned on or otherwise “wet.” 

Female ejaculation is an enrichment of the sexual lives of women as well as their partners, according to an online study.

2. Is Female Ejaculation common?
For some women it is! There have been a few studies and surveys on how often women ejaculate.  Some studies indicate that 10% to 54% of women ejaculate.

According to a sample of 227 female participants, 
44% of women reported having experienced an orgasmic expulsion of fluid at least once.  

In a
cross-sectional study on female ejaculation, 69% of women reported experiencing ejaculation during orgasm. The women surveyed were aged between 18 and 39.

In Rwanda, east Africa, 80% to 90% of women are said to ejaculate due to the kunyaza sexual technique triggering female ejaculation.

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3. Is Female Ejaculation the Same as Squirting?
'True' female ejaculation is not the same as squirting (or gushing). However many people use the two terms interchangeably, despite biochemical studies suggesting the fluid expulsions are two different phenomena.


'True' female ejaculation is the release of a very scanty, thick, and whitish fluid from the female prostate, while the squirting/gushing is the large expulsion of a diluted fluid from the urinary bladder. Squiring is said to be diluted urine. 

Both female ejaculation and squirting are expelled during sexual arousal or orgasm.


4. What Exactly is Female Ejaculate?
Female ejaculate, also known as 'true female ejaculate' is a thick, whitish fluid that resembles diluted milk. Female ejaculate is the expulsion of fluid from the urethra during sexual arousal or orgasm.

According to a 2011 study, female ejaculate contains some of the same components as semen. This includes prostate specific antigen (PSA) and prostatic acid phosphatase.

It also contains small amounts of creatinine and urea, urine’s primary components.

5. Where Does the Fluid Come From?
Female ejaculate comes from the Skene’s gland, or “the female prostate.”

The Skene's gland are located on the front wall of the vagina, surrounding the urethra. They each contain openings that can expel ejaculatory fluid (female ejaculation).

A 2017 study suggests that the Skene's gland are able to increase the number of openings along the urethra in order to accommodate larger amounts of fluid secretion.
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6. Is Female Ejaculate Urine?
Female ejaculate is not urine, pee or wee!

Its composition is 90%
prostatic fluid, 10% glucose and a small amount of urea. 

The ejaculatory fluid expelled during squirting is diluted urine with small elements of ejaculate.

7. How Much Do Women Ejaculate?
According to a 2013 study of 320 women from all over the world, the amount of ejaculate expelled by women ranges between 0.3 millilitres (mL) to more than 150 mL. That’s more than half a cup!

​
8. What Does Ejaculation Feel Like for Women?
It seems to vary from woman to woman.

For some women, it doesn’t feel any different than an orgasm that occurs without ejaculation. Others describe a rising warmth and tremor between their thighs.

Describing female ejaculation, one woman said, "It’s pleasurable, but it feels like a release of fluid. It’s not an orgasm. Ejaculation and orgasm are two separate functions: you can have an orgasm without ejaculating; you can ejaculate without an orgasm.”

Another woman said, "It felt amazing! When I squirted, I got this warm, excited feeling that made me arch my back and squeeze every muscle in my body."

9. Does Squirting Feel Like Urinating? 
Female ejaculators report that the sensation of squiring is not the same as urinating. 

10. Does it Have a Taste?
According to a 2014 study, female ejaculate tastes sweet. 

11. Does it Have a Smell?
Female ejaculation doesn't have specific smell. The smell of female ejaculation is not the same as the smell of urine. 

12. Do You Ejaculate / Squirt Every Time You Have Sex?
Some women who frequently ejaculate have never squirted during penetrative intercourse. Many women report experiencing ejaculation during masturbation, oral sex, mutual masturbation with a partner.


13. Can Every Woman Ejaculate?
Some believe that every woman is capable of ejaculation and squirting.

14. Is it Really Possible to Ejaculate “On Command”?
Yes, some women are able to ejaculate / squirt on command.
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15. Can I Learn to Ejaculate?
Yes by practice, practice, and more practice! Self-stimulation is one of the best ways to discover what you enjoy and learn your body. You can also practice with your partner to locate your pleasure spots and the elusive G-spot.

The key is to relax, enjoy the experience, and try different techniques until you find what works for you.

16. What’s the Biggest Obstacle Why Women Do Not Ejaculate?
According to sex educator and author of Female Ejaculation & the G-Spot, Deborah Sundahl, says, “Letting go – because we think it’s pee. When I take a poll in my workshops, 20% of women stop in the middle of sex to go to the bathroom, 30% go straight after. But it’s not like, “I’m just waiting to pee” – no, they are holding back that urge to ejaculate. But once women get the correct biological information, the pieces start to fall into place in their bodies and their minds. Exploring any part of your body – prostate or otherwise – is incredibly empowering.”

17. What if I Can’t?
There’s a whole lot of fun to be had in trying, but try not to become so fixated on it that it takes away from your pleasure.

You can have a fulfilling sex life regardless of whether you ejaculate. What matters most is that you find something that you do enjoy and explore it in a way that’s comfortable for you.

If you’re set on experiencing it for yourself, consider this: One woman shared that she ejaculated for the first time at age 68. You may just need to give it time.

For many women, female ejaculation is an elusive goal many would love to experience if they haven’t discovered it already.

Try to remember that in sex — just as in life — it’s about the journey, not the destination. Some women ejaculate. Some don’t. Either way, it’s important to enjoy the pleasure ride!

​Source: Healthline and 
Bustle
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5 Myths About Female Ejaculation You Need To Stop Believing

7/7/2019

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Photo: Nohat, The Guardian Nigeria
When it comes to female ejaculation a.k.a squirting, it is a bit confusing for most (including women themselves).
There are many myths surrounding squirting and the reason is simple, many don’t know what’s in it. We don’t know why some women can do it, while others can’t.

In this article, we would attempt to clear up some popular misconceptions surrounding female ejaculation. Below are some myths surrounding when your partner showers you with her love (all pun intended).
1. Squirting is fake
Having never experienced squirting in real life, most people only have porn to rely on for their experience with squirting hence it is not real. We may never be able to fully understand the mystery behind squirting but documentation of female ejaculation stems all the way back to the 16th century, and numerous studies since have found that some women do indeed expel fluid during orgasm. So strike out that myth, squirting is real.

2. Everyone squirts
As stated above, squirting is real but just because it is doesn’t mean all women squirt. A study of 300 participants reported that only seven women self-reported female ejaculation during orgasm. Everyone is different and the body doesn’t go by a template so if your partner doesn’t squirt, don’t make her feel bad about herself. “Everyone is different. The body doesn’t go by a template,” Dr. Shepherd says.

3. Squirting is pee
Admittedly, there is some pee in female ejaculation but it is not all pee. Squirt is a combination of ejaculatory fluid as well as urinary fluid. The ejaculatory fluid comes from glands on the anterior wall of the vagina known as the Skene’s glands. Urine is present in the fluid because these glands are in close proximity to the urethra. No need to freak out about this considering exposure to female ejaculate carries no health risks and dudes also have a little urine in their pre-cum.

4. Squirting is the same as an orgasm
Although squirting and orgasm often happen in tandem, they aren’t always one and the same. Sometimes women will squirt without having an orgasm; sometimes, they’ll squirt while coming, and sometimes they’ll squirt after they get off when they’re feeling more relaxed.

5. It looks like it does in porn
If you watch a lot of porn, you’ve probably seen a woman’s vagina spout like a geyser. That’s likely the result of porn stars using douches prior to shooting a scene. While some women do squirt a lot, others dribble, while some make puddles that look like they wet the bed. That’s why you probably shouldn’t expect your partner to gush the second you thrust two fingers inside her.

By Akinwale Akinyoade

Source: The Guardian Nigeria
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